A Brief Essay on Self

There I sit, legs crossed, stroking the probability of no tomorrow. Finger poised, resting above self-destruction. How many times have I reached this crossroad? How many times have I turned down the wrong path? How many times have I chosen to remain alone? Indecision and fear. Helplessly hoping my soul will emerge from the remains of a former self. Peace has danced around me from time to time, teasing, showing its face and then turning away before it is recognized.

Many years adrift, I awoke to foreign shores. Upon landing, I took to foot. Soon, deep impressions in the sand open my dark eyes to a beauty never before known to me. I traced each step, so careful not to break the rhythm. I walked for what seemed a lifetime. Then the footprints stopped. I raised my head to look around and suddenly, I realize I have been there before. In fact, I had never left. The footprints followed had been my own. The newness, the peace, the beauty had all been an illusion. I had ended just where I had begun. By allowing my heart to surface, I had merely masked the truth. A truth I have known for so long, a truth I’ve been too afraid to change.

The truth is myself.

In all its ugliness it stood before me. My fear drew me back to myself. I took my hand and together we walked back, trying desperately to avoid the impressions in the sand. But each step fell perfectly in line, filling each hole with that which had made it.

24 thoughts on “A Brief Essay on Self

  1. Himna Khan

    goddamn! this is awesome!!!
    opinion: “How many times have I turned down the wrong path? ” embodies one of my favourite quotes: i am the designer of my own catastrophe.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is truthfully sad but your words expressed it beautifully. That illusion is what draws us don’t you think? The newness, the peace, the beauty that’s what we seek. If you find that to be renewed over and over, that is true peace, and beauty. Just thoughts. I love your post.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Stories, what a beautiful and poignant elegy to the self. Your last line is chilling, “But each step fell perfectly in line, filling each hole with that which had made it.” I think we can never fully escape ourselves and oftentimes it’s hard work to move forward, even one step. Fear may possibly be the most powerful emotion, more powerful than love, it can motivate of paralyze, it’s really good at keeping us placed if we let it. A stunning and thought-provoking piece, exceptional. ~ Mia

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s