Thursdays In The Valley – Part 15

“Is that “Solitary Man?”

“Is it what?”

“Neil Diamond, “Solitary Man,” playing on the juke box, I didn’t know they had any Neil in there.”

“Man that sucks, let’s see her try and dance to that shit.”

“Dude, this song is awesome. Don’t talk shit about Neil Diamond around me.”

“You like this shit?”

“Fuck yeah, Neil diamond is one of the greatest singer/songwriters of this millennium. Just listen to the words man.”

Our foreign friend chimes in . . .

“I like de Slayer.”

“Yeah, we know.”

“Fucking metal my friend. Let her try and dance to the “Angel Of Death”, I would like to be seeing that.”

“They don’t have any Slayer, so I don’t think it’s gonna be happening. I gotta take a piss, I’ll be back.”

Mumbled along the way . . . “Slayer, give me a fucking break . . .”

Fucking mirror. I have no desire to look at myself right now. But I can’t help but look. Each time, for just a moment during the approach, maybe, maybe this time, something will be different. But it’s not. It’s all the same. I can’t find a way to get away from this, it’s always the same. There has to be something that can carry me from this place, something more has to be waiting . . . it’s just too hard to accept that this is all there is. Where is the hope? Surely it doesn’t lie in all this . . . I don’t care how deep you dig, nothing of any value lives here. But I’m sure you’ll give up searching soon. It’s too much work. Too . . . damn . . . hard. It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it.

How careless is all this? How many things have we dropped along the way? Sometimes we step over and other times we just step on. Have you looked at your shoes lately? There may be more than gum on your soul. Can you really take all this? It is most definitely yours, but can you take it?

The mirror tells no lies. Well, maybe a few, but there’s enough truth in there that we can dismiss the lies. How else can you see the lines and darkness beneath the eyes? Who could ever look at yourself in the way you can? It takes a lot sometimes, but other times, nothing much at all. And how can you explain that?

Because sometimes it matters and sometimes it doesn’t. And other times it truly does matter, but we just don’t give a shit.

Your words bothered me earlier today, but I accept that we are not all the same. We all show our weakness at different times, I saw yours, but was it worth it? Did any of that really matter? Did it change anything?

Not this time.

I turn out the light and walk away . . .

You can’t keep me here.

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