“Damn, is your girl gonna show up and dance for us again tonight?”
“Ahh, I doubt it. She feels kind of weird about the whole thing.”
“Say what!? That girl was amazing, she should be proud. She should use those skills . . . with pride.”
“I don’t know man, she’s just kind of shy. That whole thing was pretty out of character for her.”
“Dude, you got to talk to that girl, get her back in here. Tell her I’ll buy all her drinks, give her tips, I’ll hook her up.”
“I’m not gonna try and convince her to do anything. If she wants to do it, she’ll do it. Beyond that, whatever.”
“It’s not happening brother. Not from me.”
“You’re an asshole. I ask you one little favor, just one thing, and you totally shit on me, how many times have I bought you a fucking drink?”
“That has nothing to do with this.”
“The fuck it doesn’t. I treat you right, you should treat me back. That’s messed up, I thought we were friends.”
“You know what? That’s messed up you’re even asking me to do that. Yeah, we’re friends and yeah, you’ve bought me some drinks but I’m not going to talk that girl into doing anything. You should have seen her at work today, she was all upset. She’s a nice girl, I don’t like seeing her like that and I sure as hell ain’t gonna manipulate her into doing anything she isn’t comfortable doing. So fuck you.”
“Man, you love this girl.”
“No, I can see it, you really love this girl. That’s a beautiful thing. It’s about time you moved on.”
I slam my drink down . . .
“What the fuck did you just say?’
“It’s ok, it’s ok, that whole situation was fucked up, I understand how you feel. It’s just time you quit blaming yourself and move on. That’s all I’m trying to say.”
“Man, come back, don’t be like that, I wasn’t trying to fuck with you or anything, it wasn’t your fault. It was a long time ago, you gotta let it go man, damn.”
The door slams . . .
Another door, somewhere else . . . slams . . .
Are you ready for this?
I see a strange reflection in the glass, so dark, so revealing.
I didn’t know that is what would happen. I am so fucking sorry . . . I am so sorry for all of this . . . I would trade places with any one of them . . .
You will never change what has happened.
God, I just want this to end.
There is an end, but you are not ready.
I fall to my knees and my fists crash through the glass table . . .
. . . but instead of a single reflection I now have hundreds, starring back at me from each shard . . .
Just tell me what I have to do to make this all go away.
This is all yours.
I wrap my arms around my sides and roll through the glass . . .
“Just leave me alone . . . I don’t have anything else to give you . . .”
“. . . Fucking talk to me . . . what do you want from me . . .?”
I don’t want anything from you. What is it that you want?
“I want all of this to be over. I just want to find some peace in this. I didn’t know.”
You speak as though you expect to be forgiven. Who is left to forgive you?
God is vacant here my friend. Nothing lives here.
The light casts a shadow on the wall . . .
“What can I do to make this right?”
I am not here to tell you that.
“Then why are you here?”
You tell me. You brought me here.
“I don’t want this . . .”
My hand finds the glass, I reach up to my chest, just below the neck and start to cut.
What is that going to do?
“You can’t hurt me any more, nothing can hurt me . . . except me.”