Thursdays In The Valley – Part 19

“My friends, have I ever shown you my trick?”

“Your trick?”

“Yes the trick, I have many but this one I think you will enjoy.”

“You know tricks? Like what, card tricks?”

“Oh, it is not so simple as one would think. Card tricks are but the play of the child. My work is done with the sharp edges.”

“Sharp edges? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You see, in my country I was to working at the national circus. I could do many things.”

‘You were in the circus? “

“Who was in the circus?”

“That is right. I was to throwing the knives, juggling the fire and swallowing the swords.”

“You swallowed swords?”

“Yess, I did that very thing.”

“Were they trick swords? I always wondered about that shit, did they like fold in or something while you were swallowing them?”

“Maybe in America that is how it is done, but in my country they are not the trick swords, they are steel, forged by our ancestors . . . and if you were not skilled in the ways, you would most certainly die a much horrible of the deaths.”

“Well shit, you’ve got my attention now, let’s see the trick.”

“Yeah Pedro, let’s see what you got.”

“It is not easy my friend, and you may find yourself most un-nerving at the end but I tell you, it will be ok.”

Everything will be ok.

“You see, I have this here in my pocket, and this here in the other pocket.”

A razor blade and some fishing line . . .

“I will tie the line to the razor blade, put the blade into the mouth, swallow the blade and then with the string, I will pull it back up out of the throat. Most amazing, you will see.”

“Dude, don’t do that, you’ll fucking hurt yourself.”

“Fuck that, let him do it, I want to see that shit.”

“Oh, it is now tied to the tight.”

He puts the razor blade onto his tongue . . .

“I got a bad feeling about this brother.”

“FUCK YEAH! Do it!”

“It will be ok, I am the professional.”

Mouth closes, a slight shake of the head, neck muscles convulse . . .

Arms raise into the air, mouth opens, nothing there but some fishing line hanging out . . . right arm lowers . . . thumbs up . . .

“Ohh shit! That is fucked up! Get the fuck out of here with that.”

“Damn Pedro, now I’ve seen some shit. Fuckin’ nasty.”

“Dude, you just swallowed a fucking razor blade. What the fuck?”

“Daaaaamn . . . holy shit. Alright man, pull that fucking thing outta there.”

Index finger to the ceiling . . .other hand raised to a high five . . . right arm down . . . fishing line wrapped around right hand . . . head tilts back . . .


“Do it. Fucking pull that shit outta there.”

A pause . . .


A flex of the forearm . . . a slight pull . . .

Tink . . .

Oh my fucking God! Did that shit just break?”

Dude? Are you alright? Fuck man . . .”

Shit . . .”

Oh my God . . . oh God . . .”

He falls to the floor, twitching . . . for a moment, not a sound . . . and then . . . something resembling a cough . . . gagging . . . his head begins to hit against his right shoulder . . .

Dude! He’s Fucking Dying!”

Shit . . . do something!”

What the fuck am I gonna do? I don’t know what to do”

Fuck, neither do I . . . Somebody call 911!!”

A towel slaps the bar . . .

“What the fuck is this happy horse shit going on over here? What are you two screaming about and why the fuck is that guy lying on my floor?”

A single muffled cough . . . and then . . .

. . . the blood starts to flow . . .

“Oh my God, what did you do to that guy??”

Man, we didn’t do shit, you gotta call a fucking ambulance!”

Pedroooo . . . talk to me brother. It’s gonna be alright.”

Holy shit! You fuckin’ guys, I don’t need this shit, nobody dies in my bar. Nobody!”

Call a fucking ambulance!”

Is there a doctor in the house?”

Fuck . . . Fuckin’ . . .”

Give me a towel or something . . . roll him over on his side . . . he’s gonna choke . . .”


“What? What’s wrong? I’m doin’ dishes.”

Right there on the God damn floor, that’s what’s wrong. Get that fucking guy outta my bar . . . RIGHT NOW.”

“Oh God, what happened to him?”

Don’t ask me another fucking question. Look at me man, look at my face . . . so help me . . . if you ask me one more question . . .”

Did somebody call 911?”

Fucking Kenny, drag this piece of shit outta my bar RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.”

“What am I supposed to do with him?”

I could give a fuck, get him out in the parking lot, anywhere but here, look at the fucking mess he’s makin’”

“Alright, alright . . . shit.

Get him out.”

“I am.”

Right now . . .”

I AM! Fucking get off my back. I was back there washing dishes, doing my thing, now all the sudden I’m dragging some fucking dead Mexican out to the parking lot. This is messed up.”

He’s not dead, look at his eyes, he’s still alive . . . call for help!”



“You know what? I’m not calling anybody. Kenny is gonna drag his ass outside and then it’s no longer my problem. One of you pricks can call for help.”

Something happens, I’m not sure what . . .

Boy, you better get the fuck outta my face or there’s gonna be two bodies in the parking lot. Try me, see what happens.”

“You’re a real piece of shit. Fuck you.”

Pedro!!! Talk to me brother . . . talk to me!”

“His name is not Pedro, fuck man.”

“Oh shit, I hear sirens, somebody is gonna have to go out and talk to the cops.”

“Not me.”

‘Me either.”

“One of you is going to, you two saw the shit, I didn’t see anything.”

“You want me to go out there and explain to them about how he tried to swallow a fucking razor blade? Not me, not happening.”

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m saying the Lord’s prayer.”




It’s cold here . . .in this place . . .

3 thoughts on “Thursdays In The Valley – Part 19

  1. Fast paced. Did you know that stomach acid is strong enough to decompose a razor blade? 😀 And yeah, there is a trick to hide a razor in mouth as there is a trick of how can you eat glass and not get harmed. 😀 Fun story though. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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