Almost, Again

I watch the blood run down my hand
Drip from my fingertips, splash on the floor
All I can do is think to myself
How much I really don't give a fuck anymore

But this, like everything else
Is just superficial
Another worthless gesture
Another failed attempt
That changes nothing
I try to remember the last time
I was worthy of anything, but can't
I look in the mirror, staring back at me
Is the most pathetic thing I have ever seen
I smear the blood across my face
At least the ridiculousness of that 
Brings a smile

What if one of these times I don't stop
What if I finally get deep enough
That I can't go back
In that moment
Will I regret what I thought I always wanted
Beg for forgiveness, cry out to be saved
Or welcome with open arms
That sweet escape, my final performance
The curtain fall
Maybe then, I'll finally understand
Something

Yeah, what if
Guess I'll just take a shower
Put on long sleeves
And clean the fucking floor
-Again

46 thoughts on “Almost, Again

  1. Fuck. This is absolutely perfect. And I get it. Every single word, having been there before… again and yes, again. That picture. It’s glorious in it’s terribleness. Righteous in its filth. Oh those nights. Those days. Those encapsulated thoughts swallowed dry without a glass of water to chase them. This is so good, Stories. So fucking good.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wow…. this is penetrating. I’m not sure I can express how this makes me feel. Uncomfortable? Yes, but in the best possible sense. You do dark very well. I love the image you chose to accompany it, too. This is excellent. 🙏

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Ouch, this stung. The apathy towards an act like this, nail on head quite definitely. Very well written. I hope that you’re okay. To write this is to live it I think. Or, at least, to certainly understand it more than most.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Ha…oh the pragmatism of realising you are wallowing in your own self made swamp of blood and wounds. Clean it up and get on with things…could be my mantra some days E. This is what I like about you…you tap into so many levels of the psyche so well.
    Love ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

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