“Holy shit! I didn’t think it was loaded!”
“Well, that big fucking hole in the wall says otherwise, doesn’t it? God dammit, you know I hate patching drywall.”
Her husband stormed out of the kitchen and slammed the door to the garage behind him.
Shit, she thinks to herself, months of planning that “accident” down the toilet. Now what?
He burst back in from the garage, “You know what, give me that damn thing. Knowin’ you, you’ll shoot your foot off or put another damn hole in the wall.” He grabbed the gun and jerked it from her hand.
And as if by divine intervention, the gun goes off. They both stare wide-eyed at one another and then, in unison, look down at the smoking hole in his chest.
“You shot me . . . why the hell-”
“Because you are a fucking asshole and I’m too lazy to get a divorce. Come on, even you are smart enough to know how this plays out. Poor grieving widow, insurance money, blah, blah, blah.”
“You dumb bitch, I ain’t got no insurance. I canceled that policy months ago after I heard you talkin’ with your sister about finding a way to kill me off. You think I didn’t know?” He coughed twice, blood sprayed from his mouth the second time.
“Wait, you what!?”
“That’s right. You always were smarter than me, I’ll give you that, but I got you on this one. There’s nothing, no money, you ain’t getting shit!”
She could only stare at him as all the years of hate swelled up inside her.
“Now can you please go in the other room and let me die in peace? I don’t want that stupid fucking look on your face to be the last thing I see.”
“Fine, fuck you, die alone. You deserve it you prick!” She stormed off and as she turned the corner to the living room, he called out-
“And by the way, I already talked to the cops and told them if anything happened to me, then it’s you who did it. Good luck trying to talk your way outta this mess! I got you . . . I fuckin’ got you . . . hahahahahah-”
She sat on the couch and shook her head, “God, his laugh is almost as annoying as the sound he makes when he eats cereal.”
She picked up the phone and called her sister.