One More Time

well, here I am

I’ve found myself

back in that all too familiar place

stroking the absurdity of my existence

the weeping walls turn

their tears to laughter

as I ignore my better instincts

and pull myself forward

into another day

if I could only recognize

how pathetic my attempts

to make something, worth anything

in the bowels of constant mis-firings

as I take aim at the sun

for one more backhanded

dose of reality

like spitting fire into the wind

I’m never smart enough to take cover

when the tide turns and the emptiness

opens up to swallow me

all over again

64 comments

  1. Sorry to have been a bit quiet recently, River, I’m stuck into my final assignment for my uni module, and I always have to ban myself from blogging around essay time. Still, not long now. But I saw this and couldn’t resist such a wonderful verse. I love the ‘backhanded dose of reality’. I really know how that feels…
    The picture reminds me a bit of our ‘Angel of the North’ giant sculpture over in the UK. Do you know it? Great stuff. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks River. It is a pretty awesome sculpture, and it’s colossal. I was supposed to be going up to Northumberland on holiday this year so I was going to see it again, but sadly its not meant to be. Still, looking forward to next year up there instead. All the best. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Feeling this. That deep dive deep was always cyclical for me, too, as you said. It’s hard to dodge but we will *always* come out on the other side. You’re not alone. Love and light, ♥ Niki.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think you make people realize they aren’t the only ones that know the energy of a backhanded dose of reality, what a great line 🙂 great post…
    I liked this much, I enjoy your thoughts . Thank You for sharing them

    Take Care…You Matter…
    Blessings
    mary

    Like

  4. I am reminded of times when the claws of depression have sunk in… waking too late in the day, but it feels too early, staring at the ceiling and mulling over *this* again, *this* life and the pointlessness of it all, every misstep, every accusation, every failing… and finding it was better thirty minutes earlier, rolling over, pulling the covers tight against my ear and dozing off again. Oh, like this morning… right. Excellent writing, as always, River. Your words touch my soul and for that I am ever grateful.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I think you opened a window for everyone, and looking inside we are grateful for the way you shared your thoughts, its nice to know someone else has the same blue-funk moments.
    “one more backhanded dose of reality” is perfect description of “some days”
    Thank You for sharing you and your thoughts,

    Take Care…You Matter…
    blessings
    mary

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Beautiful!

    There is a tide in the affairs of men, Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves, or lose our ventures.

    William Shakespeare

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Excellent. Filled to just the last scintilla before overflowing with perfectly timed and expressed imagery; makes me feel it in my bones and remember the host of gathered ghosts wavering in the halls of memory.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I keep thinking there must be a reason we find ourselves dredging through the same spaces over and over again, something we have missed, something we have yet to see and learn. Maybe we aren’t smart enough. Maybe we are ultimately braver than we realize. Maybe this is all just life. I love this poem, River. These lines are going to stay with me for a long time,

    “as I take aim at the sun

    for one more backhanded

    dose of reality

    like spitting fire into the wind

    I’m never smart enough to take cover

    when the tide turns and the emptiness

    opens up to swallow me

    all over again

    Liked by 1 person

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